Merchan-dicing, Merchan-dicing

Business columnists have been wondering what made Bain Capital and Huawei buy a profitless computer networking company. But the folks at Bain and Huawei took the gamble because they think they've figured out something that other corporations have yet to pick up on. Sesame Street and Star Wars characters, it turns out, can sell anything, not just toys. The VP of Bain recently sent this memo down the line:

• Put Elmo, C3PO tag atop 3COM letup.

Madam, I'm Treasonous

When a certain CIA officer revealed the author of bin Laden's latest video-taped speech, he blew his cover. He had wormed his way into the upper echelons of al-Qaeda but felt that this discovery was of such import that he had to give up what turned out to have been the good life. He lamented his loss to a colleague:

• Ned, I, a man, had a GM, a dam, "Azzam" Adam Gadahn, a maiden.

Before he informed the world, he sent this note to his mother about the American terrorist's own collection of vehicles and condiments:

• Ma, just a 'hi.' Adam Gadahn had a GM, a Daihatsu, jam.

Spin Snips

The commander of Multi-National Forces in Iraq is soon to tell congress how things are going in that far off land. Opponents of the war expect to hear nothing unusual from the Bush appointee. In fact, a rough draft of the report has recently surfaced in certain circles. The general's primary concern is not loss of life, infrastructure, hope, etc., but a missing sword collection from the national museum.

• See Petraeus's issue: art epees.