"Nemo, We Love to Vote"—Vole Women

A comedian runs for president. Why? Is he fed up with the current administration's endless reasons for keeping the war going? Does he feel that his personal hero, the author of Being and Nothingness, would reject everything spouted by every current candidate?

• Rats re-push? Sartre blocks all? I will ask Colbert, rash superstar.

Whether or not the man is serious about running, he is apparently taking all the necessary steps to do so. In fact, in order to win the votes of his organic-food-eating fans, an institution he runs to support people with unusually long napes has decided to ban a certain frozen dessert.

• It’s a task: Colbert Neck Centre blocks a Tasti.

Of course, in any campaign there's bound to be some scandal. An insider on the newcomer's campaign trail leaked this memo, which suggests that an institution which advocates the proper parking of bicycles, and shares the same building that houses the comedian's nape concern, should be allowed to veto the above mentioned initiative, and permit the frozen dessert on the premisises.

• Let Rack Centre block Colbert Neck Cartel