News Hound

When you go around buying up every newspaper you can get your hands on, sooner or later one of them is going to protest. Recently, when news got out that a certain media mogul wanted to buy The Wall Street Journal, editors there called friends and reporters at The New York Times and begged them to do something about it. How else to stop a fishy move made possible only by the power of money and sought out only in the interests of greed? One such editor was recently overheard:

• Go help! Murdoch's a cash cod rumple hog.

No Mitt, I'm On

If you're campaigning for the presidency as a republican supporting "strong families" you've got to do your best to keep some of your personal interests from the public eye. Recently a reporter managed to sneak a peak at a certain candidate's CD collection and even heard him say how he wished he could buy more of his favorite genre but knew his every purchase was being watched. The reporter's resulting article about the ex-governor of Massachusetts's musical tastes was slated to run on the front page but his conservative editor-in-chief killed it with this order:

• Spare Romney's yen, more raps.