Ever come across one of these proselytizing citrus drinkers of the medical profession? They happen to believe that everyone should eat a grapefruit, or squeeze a tangerine and have a swig, every last day of their lives—to ward off dysentery, cancer, rickets, tennis elbow, you name it. They never tell you that the acid will rot your teeth and probably your stomach too, to say nothing of the brain. Anyway, if you haven’t met one it’s because you probably don’t live in Iceland. There’s not a lot of citrus-fruit-bearing trees in that far off land and the derth attracts the seed preachers. So most of the citrus-a-day conferences happen there, usually in a giant glass structure that sits a atop a cliff—one with water flowing out of its base from two hairy cavernous holes. Well, I’m sure you know what happens at these conferences. Exchanging ideas about nectarine extractions is not what they come for.

• Dr. OJ flirts on a nostril fjord